New York Launches Plan to Remove Sewer Reptiles

New York City is launching a plan to rid their sewers of problematic reptiles. The city’s sewers have been infested with these reptiles since the summer of 1984. Their presence has been a regular cause for panic within the city.

The plan is more drastic and violent than other pest control measures, but has been deemed necessary. These reptiles have proven to be resilient against most pest control measures.

These reptiles have ravaged the local pizza industry, causing millions of dollars worth of damage and lost profits. Many pizza shop owners are staunch supporters of this new plan.

Another target of these reptiles has been a local Asian-centric boy scout organization. This group uses Japanese history and culture to teach young boys moral values and discipline. These boys have been routinely attacked by these reptiles as they collected for local toy drives and other community events.

The scout leader, Oroku Saki, believes the plan is long overdue: “It’s about time that the city did something about this. We had to add ninja masks to the uniforms to hide the boys’ identities. Some of the boys had been attacked at home. It was terrible.”

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The plan was founded after a local reporter first covered the story. Local news anchor April O’Neil reported that these reptiles were being trained and organized by a local sociopath named Casey Jones.

Jones is a homeless man known for late night attacks on random citizens. He routinely uses sports equipment to brutally assault his victims.

According to O’Neil’s report, Jones has grown more delusional. He has named some of the reptiles after renaissance artists and claims a pet rat as their father. O’Neil believes that Jones is trying to replace his own broken family with the reptiles.

If you support the New York City’s plan to clear their sewers, then please share this article on Facebook and Twitter.

About the Author

Greg Johle
Greg Johle
Greg is a professional writer with years of experience. He has a passion for science and science-related things. Things like, that are really sciencey. .. SCIENCE!

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