Climate change has been proven to adversely affect the planet. Whole climates are shifting and moving with devastating consequences for the future of all life. Scientists at the University of Yakima in Washington State have finally found a link that places the blame for climate change squarely on the fat shoulders of America.
America has been facing an obesity epidemic. The sheer abundance of deliciously greasy hamburgers has led to a nation of men, women, and children struggling with high blood pressure and diabetes.
Dr. Howard Taft explains this connection between expanding American waistlines and climate change in his report, titled “Quit Stuffing Your Face: How America is Killing the Planet.”
“The climate change is not coming from greenhouse gasses, it’s caused by the subtle and increasing change in the Earth’s tilt on its axis,” Dr. Taft explained to the press.
This tilt is why the Earth experiences seasons. However, slight changes in this tilt can throw off the seasons in drastic ways, leading to climate change.
“The combined weight of Americans enlarged from an abundance of chips and soda has led to an imbalance on the planet.” Dr. Taft told the press. “We are causing changes to this tilt that are threatening to kill off all life on the planet.”
Dr. Taft has been pioneering a revolutionary medical device that will help to quickly and safely help Americans to lose weight in order to stop climate change. His solution is a medical muzzle that will electronically open for only ten minutes a day to allow the wearer to eat.
Dr. Taft is still working on a way to ensure that water is the only fluid entering the muzzle.
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