CERN Issues Apology for Disaster

The European Organization for Nuclear Research, known as CERN, is the European center for scientific research and innovation. This scientific organization released a public apology yesterday for their inevitable destruction of all mankind.

CERN was founded in 1954 by twelve European nations. They are credited for many discoveries in particle physics, as well as the groundwork that would later become the world wide web. Their latest project includes smashing particles together at near light speed in an attempt to understand the big bang.

The current CERN president, Professor Angieszka Zalewska, announced her apology to the surprise of the entire scientific community. CERN is seen as the leader in furthering our understanding of how the universe works, not some reckless potential disaster.

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Zalewska stated in her apology, “we are working with things we don’t fully understand. These are forces far beyond our control. It’s only a matter of time before we start an irreversible chain of events that will end the world.”

By experimenting with colliding particles accelerated to this speed, scientists are unable to  know for certain what might happen. Some speculate that a black hole could form. Others believe a wormhole through space and/or time may open.

There are some who believe that CERN will open a portal to another dimension, releasing the ancient god of destruction upon the world. You can learn more about this from the video below.

“We chose Shiva, the Hindu Goddess of Destruction, as our corporate mascot. We openly acknowledge that we are the one organization to most likely destroy everything. But there’s no turning back now. The thing’s built, the money’s spent. We have science to do. I just wanted to say sorry before it’s too late,” Zalewska stated at the closing of her apology.

If you agree that it was very considerate of CERN to apologize before they open a portal to the ancient god of destruction, then please share this article on Facebook and Twitter.

About the Author

Greg Johle
Greg Johle
Greg is a professional writer with years of experience. He has a passion for science and science-related things. Things like, that are really sciencey. .. SCIENCE!

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