Apple Celebrates iPhone 6 Success by Preparing for iPhone 7

iPhone clebration

Apple Inc. is avidly celebrating the success of the iPhone 6. The success of the sixth incarnation of their proprietary smartphone has left the company in a solid economic position within the tech industry.

However, even in celebration, Apple is hard at work in preparation for the future. Along this ideology, Apple is choosing to celebrate their current success by preparing for the anticipated success of the next incarnation of the iPhone.

Legions of engineers, designers, marketers, and other key business partners are hard at work developing the improvements that will be made to the current iPhone. They are happily slaving away at their desks, developing the newest features and possibilities for improved performance.

Most importantly, Apple is ensuring that the appetite of their eternal deity is satiated so that the release of the iPhone 7 will be a success.

A lesser-known fact about Apple is that they officially and professionally are followers of the Elder God Moloch. This god is known to bless followers with great success, provided that his eternal hunger is satiated with the blood of men and women.

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Apple began following Moloch in the late 1990’s. Their renewed success began after Moloch’s hunger passed and the iMac G3 was a market success.

This aspect of Apple’s preparation takes place in a secret site in Central America. The beautiful ancient ruins have been made to be modern day alters to their god.

It is at this temple that the CEO and board of directors ceremonially bathe in the Pool of Jobs to prepare for the sacrifices. Men and women are brought in for a special “marketing conference.” The current CEO is certain that the deception is necessary, “the screaming is like music to Moloch. If they know ahead of time, they just whimper.”

If you are excited to see the future success of the iPhone 7, please share this article on Facebook and Twitter. If you would like to know more about Moloch, please visit Apple’s website here.

About the Author

Greg Johle
Greg Johle
Greg is a professional writer with years of experience. He has a passion for science and science-related things. Things like, that are really sciencey. .. SCIENCE!

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