This week it was revealed that Volkswagen (VW) had utilized complex computer algorithms to beat the environmental laws. The shock of this news has led many VW-owning environmentalists to lobby for changes to the emissions laws in favor of VW. The company has been marketing its turbo diesel (TDI) engines as “clean diesel” alternatives to less environmentally friendly cars.
The complex algorithms VW had placed in these “clean diesel” cars was used to ensure that the cars passed emissions tests in laboratories with flying colors. However, it was discovered that in real world situations, the cars released 15 – 35 times more emissions than are legally allowed.
This disparity of emissions has led to an apology from VW’s CEO, a recall of over 500,000 cars, and an existential crisis for environmentalists around the globe.
These proud tree-loving people have placed so much of their identity in their environmentally conscious choices, that the news of their cars being bad for the environment is akin to telling them that global warming isn’t really an immanent threat.
The blow to their self-identity that VW has caused was too much. They are already so weak from their vegan diets and hot yoga. Their world view collapsed to protect their sanity.
“I was on the brink, man. Like, totally almost about to snap. Then it hit me, these emissions must not be all that bad, right? I mean, I love mother earth, and I would do anything to protect her. And I drive a Jetta TDI. So these emissions must not be that bad,” grassroots activist and professional protester James “Whisper” Liebewics told the press.
Many environmentalists like Liebewics have banded together to attempt to force the United States government to raise the emissions standards so that VW is no longer in violation. They believe that some great injustice has been committed and there is no way that they all bought into a corporate lie.
To date, Washington has yet to respond to the protests.
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