Researchers at the University of Maryland have released new evidence that all of reality is a hologram. The startling news was announced at a public relations conference on Saturday.
The conference was interrupted by Dr. Anderson A. Thomas, who took over the stage wearing a black leather trench coat and dart sunglasses. Dr. Thomas declared his message to be extremely urgent.
According to his research, Dr. Thomas claims that the world as we know it is a hologram. Everything we experience through our senses is a lie. “We are all living out a fabricated digital dream,” Dr. Thomas stated.
“Everything in this world is constructed to keep the human race from advancing, culturally and scientifically. Why else would we still not have hover boards after 26 years?”
Dr. Thomas researched the neuro-cognitive states of several Wachowski fans, while coming to the conclusion that the similarities of their scans could only originate from a sinister source.
Dr. Thomas states that the information within their collective “dream journals” indicates a race of robotic overlords have enslaved humanity through this false reality.
According to Dr. Thomas, if humanity is to survive as more than cattle, then we must reject our reality. “We must fight our robot overlords, ” Dr. Thomas declared from the podium with pounding fists, ” we must retake our lives and our planet.”
However, this uprising will come at a cost. Obviously, the rejection of this hologram reality would leave a man or woman to face a cold, harsh reality with murderous robots.
Such opposition to our holographic overlords will not come easy in this reality, either. Dr. Thomas claims that agents of the mechanical empire reside with us in our hologram reality to prevent dissenters from persuading others. “They are part of the program,” Dr. Thomas said of the security guards escorting him from the stage, “they have come to silence me.”
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